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« Happy New Year -- More Snow-Stomp Art | Main | My Adjustment from iPhones to Samsung's Note2 -- not so smooth »

December 31, 2012

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Rebekah Kloeppel

He's just jealous he didn't think of it first.

Brad

You just met a bully. Adult bullies use or try to use the law or the rules to bully people.

Brad

Me again. Assume he is not a bully. What is the rational reason for his behavior? I can't see any. Maybe he is not a practised, experienced bully, but this was a one-off episode. Perhaps he was depressed, or angry about something else and took it out on you. Frankly, I don't see this either.

Bullies are not rare. Still it can be difficult to recognize them. The problem is a lot like the lying blackfoot - truthful whitefoot problem in the film Charade. Logicians, like Raymond Smullyan and others, love this problem. They make the problem harder by changing the criteria. For some reason, I have not seen a lot written by strategists or game theorists, who you'd think would be interested.

Anyhow, identifying bullies is not difficult as long as you are on your toes. Bullies like to use a surprise attack so that they can control the situation. So, they try to mimic real, caring humans. This is difficult for them. So, in a situation where they have to do this, they often will show signs of stress. If you give them an opportunity to bully, they will. Just like a liar, if you give him a chance to lie, he will. So, look for signs of stress when the person has to pretend to act normal and look for him to bully if he's given the smallest opportunity. Paul Ekman wrote "Telling Lies" about identifying liars by using similar techniques.

Bullies are more common in certain professions. They are probably over-represented in the legal field, because they like to abuse people by using laws and regulations. They are probably over-represented too in business where there is a hierarchy. Hierarchical organizations give bullies real opportunities because they can abuse people lower than them. There is a tendency for hierarchical organizations to protect the hierarchy, which helps to protect bullies embedded in their organization.

Robert Sutton wrote a book called "No More Assholes." This is basically about bullies in the workplace and how to handle them. His main advice is to avoid them. I agree. Bullies want to choose their victim, set the agenda and control the environment by picking the time and place they bully. The tendency is to accept this. For instance, your question "What are the laws?" could play into your bully's hands. He wants the issue to turn on what is legal and what is not.

If you have to deal again with this guy, don't give him this advantage.

I think bullies respond to incentives, just like real people do. You might be surprised at this, since bullies, who get pleasure from causing pain to others, are not what most people would say are rational. I guess I am saying that even irrational individuals respond to incentives.

So, if you have to deal with him again, think about his incentives. If the cost of bullying is high in his estimation, he won't do it. If the advantages of not bullying outweigh bullying, he won't do it (I think). The other advantage to you is that you are changing the playing field from his (rules and regulations) to yours (economics).

Finally, bullies like to isolate their victim. It's a similar strategy to lions hunting in the veldt. Find the weakest and isolate him. So, for people who are victims of bullies, the thing to do is go online. You will find that you are not alone.

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