Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal nails it. (via Art Carden)
And a reminder that I'm still available as a commencement speaker. From an earlier posting:
Invite me to give the commencement address at your school.
Here are some reasons you should invite me:
1. I have a cap and gown that have been described as cool or sexy (click here to see a photo). [that link seems to no longer work. Here's a photo:
2. I look very professional and academic with my gray beard [much grayer now than in this photo] and glasses.
3. I have considerable experience listening to bad commencement addresses, so I know what not to do or say.
4. I am an award-winning professor, with considerable acting and speaking experience.
5. I promise not to cuss (unless you want me to).
6. I will charge no fees (until the demand increases considerably)
7. I will pay (some of) my own transportation expenses, within reason
8. You have your choice of opening lines (and topics):
- "Never apply latex paint over glossy alkyd enamel."
- "There are no refunds for losing lottery tickets."
- "If you're going to save the world, do it yourself — don't ask the gubmnt to do it."