Last May, two friends and I went to Portsmouth to attend a (soccer/football) match between Portsmouth and Sunderland. But we decided to go early to take afternoon tea at the Queen's Hotel, a splendid setting on the bay.
Overall the afternoon tea at the Queen’s Hotel in Portsmouth was mediocre at best and disappointing. Here is a far-too-detailed review:
When we arrived, we were told we could have our tea in the
lobby/parlour (which is where most people would ordinarily take afternoon tea
in such a hotel) or in either of the bars. Well, the bars had nice views out
over the park and the bay, so we selected a table in one of them. The bar was
empty, but soon a bartender arrived....... and had us pay in advance.... odd.
They provided three finger sandwiches each: smoked salmon on
wheat bread (both D and G quite liked these), carved ham on white (this was
actually quite good), and cucumber (sliced a bit too thick) on white. Then we
started to go for the scones.
Oops no serviettes. No utensils. So we rounded someone up, and
they brought them.
Oops no plates (and very little room on the table since they had
left the huge silver platter on the table, too). So we rounded up someone to
bring those, too. He handed them to us and let us rearrange the things on the
table to try to fit everything on it. No help, and no concern.
The scones were slightly warm but were still a major
disappointment. Very dry and crumbly; they seemed re-re-heated from breakfast.
The jam was strawberry (I approved) but in those little individual serving
sized jars and far too gelatinous; my preference would have been for no-pectin,
no-gelatin strawberry jam. The cream was fabulous. It was thick and rich and
its texture reminded me of mascarpone cream cheese. They provided just one raisin scone apiece, and no offer of seconds.
We had to ask them to bring another pot of tea. You get the
drift.... Service was zero. .... maybe even negative?
Meanwhile some people had come into the bar and were sitting at
the bar chatting. Despite the view (which was better than the no-view option
of the lobby), it might have been a mistake to sit in the bar. However,
as we were leaving I noticed a “server” in the lobby regaling a customer there
with stories about something – shudder. He was clearly more interested in
telling them about himself than he was in providing a fine afternoon tea
experience.
There were two cakes for dessert. I’m not a fan of either of the
cakes they provided, so this next bit might not be fair. One was a dark raisin
fruit-cake type thing. It was dry and crumbly yet heavy. G quite clearly liked
it since he ate his and half of D’s. The other was cherry sponge: dry sponge
cake with dried cooking cherries in it. Also not one of my favourites. No
strawberry tarts, to my great disappointment. I scraped the bottom of the cream container and spread some
of that on the cherry sponge and still didn’t finish the cake because the cream
ran out.
For my previous reviews of afternoon teas, please see these links:
- The Four Seasons, London, England
- The Royal Crescent Hotel, Bath
- The Pump Room, Bath
- Claridge's, London, England
- The Boathouse, Guelph, Canada
- The St. Regis Hotel, Houston, Texas
Digression: The Queen's Hotel is a grand old building with classic curved floor-length urinals (note the apparent reliance on a single floor drain, however):
These were of the same principle but quite different style from the basic pee-against-this arrangement in the pub in Chichester, where we stopped on the way back from Portsmouth: