Theatre Brief 27: Things That Are Never Said in the Theatre

September 03, 2013

Theatre Brief 27: Things That Are Never Said in the Theatre

Brief #27 THINGS THAT ARE NEVER SAID IN THE THEATRE

(I cannot remember where this came from, but I've seen it various places on the internet. Note that "Good luck" and "Macbeth" are not on this list)

BY THE PRODUCER:

...Of course there's enough money to go around.
...We have money left over.
...It's all being taken care of. Don't Worry.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE ACTOR:

...Don't...Let's not talk about me.
...I really think my big scene should be cut.
...This costume is SO comfortable.
...I love my shoes.
...No problem. I can do that for myself.
...I have a fantastic agent.
...Let me stand over here with my back to the audience.
...I'm sure someone told me there was a wall here, I just forgot.
...Without the crew, the show would never run - let's thank them.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE DIRECTOR:

...Wow, the designers were right on, weren't they?
...No, today is the tech rehearsal, we'll rework that scene later.
...I think the scene changes are too fast.
...Of course I think that we'll be ready in time for opening.
...The crew? Why they're just wonderful!
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE DESIGNERS:

...Of course all my drawings were turned in on time.
...Yes, it is absolutely my fault that the set looks awful.
...You know, you have a point there.
...The director knows best; obviously I wasn't giving him what he wants.
...We have too many gel colours in stock, I can't choose.
...Of course the shop will have the costumes ready.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE TECHNICAL DIRECTOR:

...This is the most complete and informative set of drawings I've ever seen.
...We built it right the first time.
...No problem, I'll deal with that right away.
...I love designers.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE STAGE MANAGER:

...It looks as though there will be time for a third dress rehearsal.
...Take your time getting back from break.
...We've been ready for hours.
...No, I called that perfectly the first time. Let's move on.
...The headsets are working perfectly.
...The cue lights are working perfectly.
...The orchestra has no complaints
...The whole company is standing by whenever you want them.
...That didn't take long.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE STAGE CREW:

...Oh no, that instrument is not in the way.
...There's room for that over here.
...We'll get in early to do it.
...No, no. I'm sure that is our job.
...Anything I can do to help?
...All the tools are carefully locked away.
...Can we do that scene change again please?
...It's a marvelous show.
...We don't need this many on the crew.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

Posted by EclectEcon on September 03, 2013 at 04:28 AM in Theatre | Permalink

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Brief #27 THINGS THAT ARE NEVER SAID IN THE THEATRE

(I cannot remember where this came from, but I've seen it various places on the internet. Note that "Good luck" and "Macbeth" are not on this list)

BY THE PRODUCER:

...Of course there's enough money to go around.
...We have money left over.
...It's all being taken care of. Don't Worry.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE ACTOR:

...Don't...Let's not talk about me.
...I really think my big scene should be cut.
...This costume is SO comfortable.
...I love my shoes.
...No problem. I can do that for myself.
...I have a fantastic agent.
...Let me stand over here with my back to the audience.
...I'm sure someone told me there was a wall here, I just forgot.
...Without the crew, the show would never run - let's thank them.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE DIRECTOR:

...Wow, the designers were right on, weren't they?
...No, today is the tech rehearsal, we'll rework that scene later.
...I think the scene changes are too fast.
...Of course I think that we'll be ready in time for opening.
...The crew? Why they're just wonderful!
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE DESIGNERS:

...Of course all my drawings were turned in on time.
...Yes, it is absolutely my fault that the set looks awful.
...You know, you have a point there.
...The director knows best; obviously I wasn't giving him what he wants.
...We have too many gel colours in stock, I can't choose.
...Of course the shop will have the costumes ready.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE TECHNICAL DIRECTOR:

...This is the most complete and informative set of drawings I've ever seen.
...We built it right the first time.
...No problem, I'll deal with that right away.
...I love designers.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE STAGE MANAGER:

...It looks as though there will be time for a third dress rehearsal.
...Take your time getting back from break.
...We've been ready for hours.
...No, I called that perfectly the first time. Let's move on.
...The headsets are working perfectly.
...The cue lights are working perfectly.
...The orchestra has no complaints
...The whole company is standing by whenever you want them.
...That didn't take long.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

BY THE STAGE CREW:

...Oh no, that instrument is not in the way.
...There's room for that over here.
...We'll get in early to do it.
...No, no. I'm sure that is our job.
...Anything I can do to help?
...All the tools are carefully locked away.
...Can we do that scene change again please?
...It's a marvelous show.
...We don't need this many on the crew.
...No thanks, I don't drink.

EclectEcon

Economics and the mid-life crisis have much in common: Both dwell on foregone opportunities.

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September 03, 2013

Theatre Brief 27: Things That Are Never Said in the Theatre

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